"Hello the famous Charles Dickens, we're stand-ins for the audience." "What did he say his name was? Da Vinci? Well, he won't amount to anything, and may the atomic bomb fall on the Japanese if I'm wrong." Speaking of, remember how Leonardo was a major character in Screedo II and the friendship between him and Ezio was actually firmly established? Well, the sideburns muscled that out, too, 'cause every meeting with a historical figure in Syndicate plays like something from a fucking kids TV series: The way it's presented, it's like one of those terrible wink-to-audience moments from bad historical films. The game literally starts with the protagonists going, "I'm bored, let's go to London and liberate it from the Templars." "Ooh yes, that sounds like a smashing time!" "And you know what? I've always wanted to start a street gang and call it 'The Rooks'". I'll leave you to guess which one's the boy and which one's the girl, but here's a hint: try to think like the laziest writer in the fucking universe.Īnd the sideburns were taking up even more space than I first thought it seems, because there also wasn't room for much in the way of plot or motivation.
We play as twins, Jacob and Evie Frye, one of them is brash and reckless and direct-combat-oriented the other is smart and measured and more suited to stealth.
I wouldn't say Syndicate is the worst Sassy Credo, but it might well be the laziest. We've jumped 60 years and about 250 miles, but we haven't budged a fucking inch. I once described the Assassin's Creed series as a line graph and here's how it continues: from the point that Unity was at, draw a perfectly horizontal line. Not that 3 was necessarily the shark upsurge moment, 'cause I think we're all in agreement that 4 was good, at least as long as I wave this broken bottle around, but then again, we only liked 4 when it was being Steady Eddy's pirate adventure fun times, and we didn't like it so much when it was being Assassin's Creed, and obviously Syndicate doesn't have room for a pirate ship, what with all the space taken up by the absurdly large sideburns. I'm not sure I can pinpoint the moment that my feelings towards Assassin's Creed crossed over from cautious enthusiasm to a resigned sense of Monday-morning dread, 'cause if you told me before, say, Assassin's Creed 3 that they would do Victorian London, I'd have said, "All the fucks, yes! I'm gonna rub my face all over Queen Victoria's bustle! Nyam nyam nyam, gor bless ya, Ma'm." That might as well have been the subtitle, actually: Assassin's Creed: Well, Here We Are Again. This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Assassin's Creed Syndicate. Assassin's Creed is Officially Running on Fumes
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